The Penguin Slap
"I was just minding my own business when"
with lawyer jokes is that
1. lawyers don't think they're funny and,
2. the rest of us don't think they're jokes!
If you know a good lawyer joke, send it to
Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer
He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
He tells you that he has never told a lie.
A prison guard is shaving your head.
What do you call a million lawyers at the
bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your
foot off his head.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the
Q: How do you know
if a lawyer is well-hung?
A: When you
can't fit your fingers between the rope and his neck.
Q: What's black and
brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman Pinscher.
Q: What's the
difference between God and a lawyer?
A: God doesn't
think he's a lawyer.
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is
A: His lips are
Q: How many lawyer
jokes are there?
A: Only three. The
rest are true stories.
Voted Best 911 Audio by
911 Police Audio
Pair arrested for telling lawyer jokes while waiting
in court line
January 12 2005 Hemspstead, NY
By Some Miracle
- By some miracle we still don't understand, a lawyer found himself
in the very long serving line of a cafeteria in Heaven. As the newest
arrival, he was at the end of the line.
From out of nowhere, a man dressed in a very expensive suit and equally
expensive shoes grabbed a tray and proceeded to barge into the head of the
This naturally irritated the new arrival and, unable to let it go
unnoticed, blurted out, "Where does that lawyer get off playing God?"
"Hush," said the woman ahead of him, "that's God pretending to be a
Q: What do you call
an honest lawyer?
Q: What do a good lawyer and a good
mechanic have in common?
A: They don't exist !
"Would you like to dance" ?
Q: Why didn't the
circus clown feel so bad about his career?
A: At least he
wasn't a lawyer.
Q: What's the
difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer
gets frequent flyer miles.
Q: What's the difference between lawyers and potholes?
A1: People try to avoid hitting
A2: People do
not run over the same pothole more than once.
George W, The
pope, a Lawyer and a boy scout are all riding in Air Force One when
something goes terribly wrong. The crew comes back and says that there are
parachutes but they are one short. So, George W grabs a chute and says I’m
the President and I have to lead the free world and jumps out of the plane.
The lawyer, without saying a word grabs a chute and also jumps. The Pope
looks at the Boy Scout and says, son I’ve lived a long and meaningful life.
I’m sure God will take care of me on the other side, you take the last
chute. The Scout looks at the Pope and says
“No problem padre, that lawyer just grabbed my knapsack.”
Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One is a
disgusting, bottom feeding scavenger, and the other is just a fish.
Q: Why should dead lawyers be buried 16 feet deep?
A: Because deep
down, they're real nice people.
More Legal Humor select below
Dumb Laws click here
Dumb law Questions click here
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