Lawyer: Did you blow your horn or anything?
Witness: After the accident?
Lawyer: Before the accident.
Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Lawyer: Doctor, how many
autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Lawyer: And Mr. Johnson was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
The next day the testimony of the doctor continued. (same lawyer)
Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Witness: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
Lawyer: Do you know if your
daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
Witness: We both do.
Witness: Yes we do.
Lawyer: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
Lawyer: How was your first
Witness: By death.
Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?
Lawyer: So the date of
conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time?
Lawyer: What is your date of
Witness: July fifteenth.
Lawyer: What year?
Witness: Every year !
How many times have you committed
Witness: (looking confused) Is that a
Lawyer: Trooper, when you
stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
Lawyer: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
Witness: Yes, sir.
Lawyer: What did she say?
Witness: She said 'What disco am I at?'
Lawyer: Mr. Smith, you went
on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
Witness: I went to Europe, Sir.
Lawyer: And you took your new wife?
Lawyer: You say the stairs
went down to the basement?
Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Lawyer: She had three
Lawyer: How many were boys?
Lawyer: Were there any girls?
Lawyer: Can you describe the
individual you saw?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Lawyer: Was this a male, or a female?
Lawyer: And where was the location
of the accident?
Witness: Approximately milepost 499.
Lawyer: And where is milepost 499?
Witness: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Lawyer: Now doctor, isn't it
true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
the next morning?
Lawyer: Was it you or your
younger brother who was killed in the war?
Witness: What do you think counselor.
Lawyer: Did he kill you?
Witness: Excuse me counselor can you repeat the question?
Lawyer: Is your appearance here
this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Lawyer: What was the first
thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Lawyer: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.
Lawyer: What happened then?
Witness: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you
because you can identify me"
Lawyer. And did he kill you?
Lawyer: (Showing the witness a picture) That's You?
Lawyer: And you where present Right ! when the picture was taken ?
are some unconfirmed claimed cases
Kathleen Roberts of Austin, Texas, was awarded
$780,000 by a jury after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who
was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving
tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.
Josh Truman, 19, of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
medical expenses when his neighbor ran his hand over with a Honda
Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice someone was at the wheel of
the car whose hubcap he was trying to steal.
Terrence Dickinson of Bristol, Penn., was exiting a
house he finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get
the garage door to go up because the automatic door opener was
malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door
connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The
family was on vacation, so Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the
garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a
large bag of dry dog food. Dickson sued the homeowner's insurance
claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed
to the tune of half a million dollars and change.
Terrance G. Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was
awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks
by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its
owner's fenced-in yard, as was Mr. Williams. The award was less than
sought after because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr.
Williams who, at the time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber
Livingston of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a
spilled soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor
because Ms. Livingston threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier
during an argument.
Dara Waltmore of Claymont, Delaware, successfully
sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from
the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth.
This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in
the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded
$12,000 and dental expenses.
In November 2000, Mr. Paul Grazinski purchased a
brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having
joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left
the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee.
Not surprisingly, the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that
he could not actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new